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So you want to contribute to Caffeine Nebula rants? Read on for more information.
If you'd like to contribute, here are some general rules and guidelines to follow. These aren't completely black and white, but abiding by them will greatly increase your odds of having a rant accepted.
1. Length. One of my English teachers used to say 'a paper should be like a girl's skirt: long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep you interested.' Same thing applies to rants. Basically, should take between 45 seconds and 5 minutes to read.
2. Language. Use proper grammar. Use proper punctuation. Use proper capitalization. If there are some small mistakes, I'll correct them, but in general your rant should be understandable.
3. Humor. Be funny. These rants aren't here to start some political revolution, they're here to make people laugh. If you can make people laugh and make people think at the same time, that's awesome; but humor is a must.
4. Keep it clean. Don't go overboard with the cussing. Some minor words here and there are ok, but avoid the words that generally aren't allowed on cable TV.
5. Subject matter. Your rant's more likely to be accepted if, well, frankly if I agree with it. If your rant is particularly funny it might get posted even though I disagree with it; but it'll have to be a good bit funnier than a rant I'd agree with. I'm a Republican and I'm a Christian, so those topics are probably no-gos. Any others, just ask.
6. Property. As far as I'm concerned, you retain the rights to your rant. But by submitting it you authorize me to post it wherever I want on this site, for as long as I want. Chances are if you ask me to take it down, I will, but I'm not guaranteeing anything.
7. Format. Include a title. Include an author's name (doesn't have to be your real name). Include a contact address, and whether or not you want that contact address displayed.
Now, some questions you might ask.
Who rates the rants? I do. The end.
I heard you give money to the people who write rants. Is that true? Yes and no. If I know you in real life (face to face, not just over e-mail), then yes, you get some of the advertising money from the Google ads on your rants. Otherwise, no luck. Too difficult to manage.
Can I change a rant I've submitted? Sure, just send me the new one and remind me that it's an update.
Well, that should cover it. So if you want to send a rant, e-mail us at Rants@CaffeineNebula.com and put 'Contribute' or something in the subject line. Include an author's name (doesn't have to be your real name) and a title, and just paste the rant itself into the body of the e-mail; no reason to deal with attachments. If it's too long to paste into an e-mail, it's too long to post on this site.
I give no guarantees as to how fast accepted rants are posted. Sorry.